50

Well.

If you’re an avid reader of this domain that I recently bought last month (*cough* God bless you), you may have noticed that I’ve taken a brief hiatus. On the one hand, I’ve been lazy and struggling to find things to write about. On the other hand, I’ve made progress on this blog (helloooo uploaded tons of pictures for you to look at!). Either way, I’ve been dragging my feet on writing about a topic that has literally been stuffed down our throats since the start of 2015.

Way back when the 50 Shades phenomenon first wreaked havoc on society, I found myself thumbing through the pages of the series as I slowly died at a summer internship in Arkansas while all of my friends flourished and prospered in NYC (I soon found Ana and Christian as my only reliable friends since the folks in NY got tired of answering the phone and putting me on speaker when they were out and about so that I could feel included *shudders*). When I finished the books, I remembered thinking, this woman is getting paid how much for this dreadful writing? I wondered and am still baffled on how E.L. James managed to get all of this hype as she is far from the first person to write about sex or even bondage of this graphic nature; however, she managed to create a name, brand, and demand for her burgeoning empire. If I learned nothing else from this week’s episode of ‘Empire‘ (watch. this. show. NOW!), Cookie taught me that the first rule of being a great hustler is understanding supply and demand. James made a way of creating a desire and demand for something that has been around long before she was on this earth and I give her props for hustling us all since 2011. We can all only hope to make something out of nothing and create an overwhelming outcry of support because of it.

&& the church said amen.

I could go into detail on how I equate the books to a Twilight reading level and that both authors did a great job of capitalizing on their success although they have limited penmanship capabilities. Afterall Stephenie Meyer (Twilight) tried to sue James for “derivative work rights” though she ultimately lost her case. Seriously… it’s not like James was loosely adapting her work off of a classic like To Kill a Mockingbird. Meyer shouldn’t have been so selfish. She can’t think she should be the only person to make millions off of poor writing and luck… right?!

Sigh. I could go on and on about my disgust on wasting funds on this 50 shades movie that could have gone towards a Chipotle bowl. I was even early and wasted my youth in line (come on I LIVE by CP time. Me being early for this movie was mind-blowing). The awkward laughs from the audience weren’t due to the scenes, or the awkwardness of the movie, but I truly believe whenever the audience laughed it was because they were in disbelief that they spent money on this film as well and were laughing at their own judgment and decision-making process. However, I will say… it was great bonding with 9 other lonely betches and 1 who is in a loving, committed relationship – betch. I have exit interviews of these women, but I’ve lost the desire to post them. (Friends, you will get your shine on this blog one day soon. I promise!)

Either way the movie did a little above average its first week grossing over $100 million domestically and $300 million globally (Insert sarcasm here. That’s a $#!* ton of money especially since it only cost them $40 million to produce!). However, it seems that I could parallel the flop that is the movie to James wanting to be VERY hands on with the production (not taking a page from JK Rowling (Harry Potter) and Stephenie Meyer’s books of success who were for the most part hands off during the movie adaptations of their work). Hopefully she won’t stand in the way of her success and will acquiesce as the films can’t get any worse than its predecessor. James is currently fighting to write the screenplay for the next film and we can only hope that she loses this battle.

But… In an effort to divert away from James conning the American public to making her rich, I’d rather highlight some interesting puns/spinoffs of 50 Shades that the world has created.

1. Domino’s Israel promoting its Sriracha pizza

While the pizza chain has stated that the ad is fake and not brand-appropriate, it makes you wonder how far some companies will go to push their product down your throat before the fanfare of the film dies down.

2. Political ads gone too far?

bill

The NY State Republican Party recently released this image of Mayor Bill de Blasio and Al Sharpton. The poster alludes to controversies de Blasio has faced while in office. Sharpton has demanded an apology, but de Blasio is more concerned on if Dakota Johnson will play him in a biopic of his life. (& yes, this one is actually real!)

3. Comedy, Comedy, Comedy!

Fortunately there are people on this earth who were meant to liven your spirits when you’re feeling down. Luckily, the internet has made it so that I can find a comedic moment and share them with you so that we can all enjoy a laugh together (I’m awesome. I know). Below are a few of my favorite parodies. Enjoy!

 

 

Grr. The funniest ones are from SNL’s 40th Anniversary. Since it doesn’t come out until later today, they’re being a little protective of these videos. You can find them here (seriously watch this one) and here.

Song of the Day: Earned It – The Weeknd (The best song from the movie’s soundtrack played at the worst time during the movie).

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