Never have I ever found a gif that perfectly sums up my being.
I’m cool calm n collected — usually — outwardly — while in my head I’m running around like an emotionally volatile superhero with her cape caught in a vacuum trying to get ish done — before a deadline — usually minutes before. *sigh*
I’ve had this tussle of why that is for years now and in my more mature, enlightened state these days, it’s time I owned up to the fact that I have ZERO BITS OF DISCIPLINE in this here body.
That word makes me squirm. Kinda like when some people hate hearing the word ‘moist’ <<<< I’ve never understood that phenomenon >>>> the word discipline makes me itch. Makes my skin crawl. It makes the free spirit in me want to take one of those good naps that comes after a good cry. It makes my Carpe diem lifestyle feel as if it’s a fraud, as if I’m a sham of a person who’s alive but not living. It makes me feel helpless as I realize that while I have gargantuan dreams and aspirations, if I don’t embody this word (&& quickly) I’ll continue to scroll past pictures of friends, acquaintances and strangers successes while yearning for the day of when I’ll be able to post my own.
Serena has discipline. Beyoncé HAS discipline. Oprah, Michelle, Ava, ISSA, Shonda, Tiffany, Misty — even Condoleezza — all have discipline. *Sidenote: Praise the almighty for this list! So grateful all the baby chocolate queens have an expansive list of inspiration. I know I am.*
I’ve sampled discipline before. I hated it. It’s gross. Like truly disgusting. I’d rather be a vegan (shout out to my Southern roots constantly at war w/ my new LA life) than attempt to do it again. Discipline is like that one megavitamin bottle you bought when you wanted to get your life back on track. You bought it because it’s good for you. You managed to swallow the giant pill during those first few days of excitement, but before you know it you’re spring cleaning your cabinets and find a full bottle of it that expired two years ago. My attempts at discipline failed like all of my other ‘Get Rich Quick’ and lose 10lbs in two days schemes. Discipline doesn’t happen overnight. Discipline doesn’t happen on my timeline. The rewards of discipline don’t come after day 1 or 13 or sometimes 20 years (I wanna vomit). Discipline is one mother-freakin’ tough pill to swallow.
But it’s time I fixed my gag reflex and learned to do it. (Mind outta the gutter plzzzz!) *Sidenote: I have to praise this analogy. It’s fitting and works very well for today’s piece.* **Side Sidenote: If you didn’t laugh at the above joke you’re an ogre with no soul.**
Today marks Day 1 of my new lifestyle & relationship with: Discipline.
It’s a foreign concept. It’s new and kinda fun. I’m kinda nervous. It’s day one of a new relationship when we’ve been a will they/ won’t they pair for years. People have been rooting for us and we’re finally taking the plunge. This blog is my updated relationship status as I’m really ready for us to be official. On a new level. I’m so excited I want the world to hear my joy — I also want the encouragement and likes — DON’T FORGET TO ENCOURAGE ME AND LIKE MY NEW RELATIONSHIP AND TELL ME WE’LL BE SUCCESSFUL!
Like any relationship, especially a good one, I know it won’t be perfect. There’ll be ups n downs n I’m ready to stick it out with bae because I know deep in my heart Discipline is the one. While I might be over it and wanna run screaming, I can’t anymore because I made this public declaration of love and can’t go back.
So… I know… you’re asking…. what exactly are you going to be disciplined in from now on? Well, for starters, this! I don’t write enough, not NEARLY enough and I have small milestones with myself to write 10 and 30 and etc days straight so that writing is a reflex and no longer a luxury. I’m going to drink 1/2 – full gallon of water a day bc LA is hot AF and I already got sick this summer from being dehydrated and I want to really start treating my body like the temple it is. On that note, I want to workout everyday! Now, not saying run 10 miles or Crossfit or intense stuff like that, but I am able bodied and want a dope body and need to make fitness a physical priority and not just a mental one. I need to do and stop thinking about. So, whether it’s SoulCycle or hot yoga or a run, I need to do something that lets my body know I care — everyday. There’s not a soul on this planet I talk to daily. Not even the sister who keeps me alive do I talk to everyday. However, Jesús is my best friend and I need to talk to him more and quit assuming bc he’s all knowing he knows what I’m dealing w/ therefore I don’t need to make time to talk to him. Ha.. my logic is something else. Finally, eating better. Living out here I’ve contemplated Paleo, Keto, Vegan (gross), and every other diet lifestyle out there. I usually starve myself for a period of time then binge eat everything I want (and sometimes don’t want), hate myself, then start over. I want to see what other people see when they tell me I have a great body. I don’t see it, but I know I have it — if that makes sense. I want to finally be consistently healthy enough where I believe it too. *Sidenote: No, this isn’t a skinny person complaining about her weight. This is a person who has struggled with discipline in this category for years and is finally trying to get it under control.*
As I’ve excitedly passed the halfway point of day one in this new relationship, I ask you how your own relationship with Big D is going? If you can share any tips n tricks on how to keep him happy PLEASE LET ME KNOW. If you’re inspired to start your own day 1 soon, we can stay the course and encourage each other. Nothing in life worth having ever comes easy *eyeroll*. It’s annoyingly true and accurate and worth it and I’m rooting for you and your relationship and hope you two crazy kids can make it work. ❤